restlessness....

Preface:  So I was originally going to title this post "on turning 40...", but as I got to typing, the title just didn't seem to fit, so I changed it. 

It has been over a month since my 40th birthday.  Had a great party for it.  I was originally going to throw myself a party, but my good friend Deloris talked me into letting her take it over.  So it became a Deloris-Stephanie-Jay project.  Deloris being the controller of what is acceptable, because Steph, of course, wanted to get all crazy with it, and Jay wanted to hire a stripper!  Thankfully Deloris didn't allow any craziness or strippers!  Yeah Deloris!!  A great time was had by all, and that is what I wanted.

Getting older has never bothered me.  And I'm not one of those people whose age has mattered one bit to them.  I freely admit how old I am, and I really don't care what other people think.  I'm still that way. I'm happy to be 40.

However, I have found that middle age has got me restless.  I've noticed it for about a year now.  I'm not content with where I am anymore.  And possibly, not content with who I am anymore.  I've been feeling restless and unsettled, like i need to do something or go somewhere.  Not sure what to do about it.   I know I don't want to stay in Charlotte much longer, but not sure where we'd go.  I really want to go back to the mountains, but teaching jobs are hard to get there, and I don't "know someone" to get me in the door.  And I can't afford to move somewhere without a job ready, since Jay doesn't work.  Jay's all set to move, so its kind of me that is holding us back.  The only thing that is really keeping me here is my friends.  I've made some really good friends here.  And I can't take them with me if I move.  :-( 

So I have some serious thinking to do.  Because I'm also not sure about staying in teaching.  But what else do I do?  *sigh*

See?  Restlessness.