days like these....

Days like these make me wonder why I didn't continue with my chemistry major.  I LIKE chemistry.  It was interesting and fun.  Why did I drop it?  ....eh, I know why.  Damn calculus and the fact that I never learned how to study in high school (just breezed through it).  Too late to go back now.  I've forgotten more than I ever learned about chemistry.

Days like these make me wonder why I didn't go into medical technology.  It was a brand new major they were starting.  I even went to an interest meeting.  It was probably my lack of confidence in myself.  Or could have been the calculus again.  Or both.  I could be screening people's poop for blood instead of listening to the poop come out of their mouths.

Days like these make me wonder why I didn't find something to do with my psychology degree.  Sure, I'd probably had to get a masters or higher to REALLY do anything with a psychology degree.  And at the time I was tired of being in school.  And really, I only got into psychology, because I was interested in how the brain works.  I don't want to sit and listen to people talk about themselves all day long.  I'd be too brutal of a therapist.  Just ask my friends.  I'm not gonna give you some bullshit soft crap.  I might even tell you to grow up and accept some responsibility for your life instead of trying to find someone else to blame it on.

Days like these make me wonder what I was thinking when I decided to go into teaching.  Seriously.  The past 4 or 5 years of teaching have basically sucked.  When I look at the big picture and the time in general, they have royally sucked.  I've been harassed and bullied by my boss; been moved around to every damn grade level except kindergarten (so i suppose things COULD be worse); been yelled at by parents; been ignored and disrespected by parents and students; worked my ass off on week nights, weekends, "holidays", "breaks", and all other times in between; been belittled by politicians; had no pay raise; had to pay for my own benefits (that are the suckiest benefits in the world); and that's just the stuff I can think of right now. 

Days like these make me wonder why I'm still in teaching.

Days like these make it hard for me to see any of the positives in teaching.  Like the special feeling when a kid who is struggling suddenly "gets it".  Or the smile on the kid's face when you greet them with a warm "good morning" at the door, when maybe they didn't have any warmth anywhere else that morning.  Or the thrill of teaching a new math or science skill that they didn't know before, and they actually thought was cool to learn.  Or the happy sounds of students really getting into their work, whether it's a science lab with new things to discover, or a math challenge that stirs a lively discussion about how to solve it. 

I HATE days like these.