Six months as a widow: The resounding theme this month has been regret. Looking back, there are so many things I regret not doing with Jay - places we never went, things we didn't do, people we didn't visit, etc. There are so many things I wish we'd done differently. My regret has not been just for the past, but for the future as well - all those things we'll never get to do together, those places we'll never get to go to together - now that he's gone.
Gone.
I know there's nothing I can do about any of my regrets, but they are still there, torturing me. Damn "ifs" have been haunting me... "If only..." "If we had..." "What if..." Hindsight is always 20/20, they say. *sigh* It's hell, too.
I call them 'landmines', and I encountered one today.
Love you forever, my Jaybird
Fourth of July is hard, because I firmly believe that everything went sharply down hill after Jay broke his leg on July 3rd two years ago. Broken leg, pressure ulcer, infection, amputation, wound care for a year on the pressure ulcer, another infection, and talk of another amputation. Too much.
Love you forever, my Jaybird
Celebrated one year since we adopted Bella:
One of my favorite pictures of Jay and Bella.
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